I am in desperate need of an attitude change. STAT! For the past couple of weeks, I have developed a sour attitude to several things and let me tell you...I DO NOT LIKE MYSELF!
I find this very disturbing for a number of reasons.
1. It's not like me to just be mad at the world.
2. It's my favorite season of all...Fall and football! How can I be upset at anything?!
3. My sour attitude is like poison and it's not good on those around me.
I think it all started when I was offended by something someone said to me and it went south from there. They apologized and I said I let it go, but I found it slowly creeping into the back of my mind. I think the enemy loves when he sees us filled with frustration, aggravation and anger. As long as we are filled with those raw emotions, we are unable to find true forgiveness and happiness.
Other little things got under my skin, that usually don't. Someone driving slow in front of me, the red light taking too long, idiotic comments on social media and to top it all off, I spent 1 hour and 3 minutes on the phone with Dish Network tonight. I talked to four different people, two of whom I had a difficult time understanding. When I got off the phone, I was wishing I had a real phone that I could slam down with all my might.
After the marathon phone call with Dish, I snapped at my husband, gripped and complained for about 10 minutes about everything and headed back to my room. As I sat down on the bed, I looked on my bedside table at my Bible.
I'm ashamed to admit reading it was not something I wanted to do at the moment. I was angry. I was upset. I was mad. I was frustrated and there was absolutely nothing that could make it better. I was going to wallow in my toxic attitude.
It's times like these I'm thankful for the gentle nudge God gives us. You know the look your parent gives you when you disappoint them? Yeah, I felt it. I knew I was behaving in a way that was far from pleasing to God. I picked up my Bible and turned it to Proverbs. I've always liked the book of Proverbs. Reading this book of the Bible is like sitting with a good friend. It's chock full of great advice for life.
I recalled a scripture about anger in Proverbs and I looked until I found it. Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."
Wow...talk about slapping you in the face. I read this scripture a few times hoping I could read it in a way that would give me some justification for my sorry attitude the past couple of weeks, but nope...it convicted me. Good, 'ole in your face conviction.
I started thinking about the things that have been under my skin the past couple of weeks and I realized I wasted a whole lot of time being upset about things that are out of my control! Life is way too short to spend it holding on to little things.
I will always struggle with being a control freak. It's just part of who I am. I just have to realize the things I can and cannot control. I cannot control the red light, customer service, statements I don't like on social media, or people who offend me. What I can control is my reaction to those things.
So, I did what I should have been doing for the past couple of weeks when my attitude was less than becoming. I prayed. I asked God to rid my heart of the bad attitude and to bring me back to the Ginger I know is in there somewhere. I asked Him to help me control my reactions and to forgive me for the times I did not behave in a way that was pleasing to Him. Luckily, very few people have been a witness to my bad attitude. I've been successful in letting it only come out when I am at home, which hasn't been great for my marriage. I'm sure my husband wants as far away from here as possible.
Prayer not only changes things, it changes people. I'm looking forward to waking up with a new attitude.